Entry 39- Dusting Off the Cobwebs

So, here I am—back in the dating world after what feels like forever of hurting, healing, praying, hurting, healing, praying (you know the cycle) and somehow convincing myself that Paul’s singleness wasn’t necessarily my calling. I took some time, worked through past heartbreak, and let God do some deep inner work- even though I’ve been stubborn for close to three years.

But now? Now, I’m ready. Ready to date. Ready to love. Ready to awkwardly text, “Hey, how was your day?” to a stranger who might just be the one (or at least a decent one).

But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s talk about the moment I knew I was ready.

There was a time I swore that if I ever ran into my ex, I’d suddenly forget all my Christian values and let pettiness take over. But when it finally happened, I didn’t feel anger, regret, or the need to prove how much I’d “leveled up.” Instead, I felt…peace.

That conversation showed me how much I had grown. I didn’t need closure anymore. I didn’t need an apology (although, let’s be honest, it was nice hearing it). I had already forgiven him (a little) in my heart. And most importantly, I realized that holding onto the pain was only keeping me stuck.

Forgiving him wasn’t just about him—it was about me. It was about freeing my heart to love again, without fear, bitterness, or comparison. And that’s when I knew—I was finally ready.

Now that I’m open to dating intentionally, I’ve realized something: I don’t just want to meet people, I want to actually get to know them. Not just their favorite color or their top three worship songs, but the real, unfiltered them.

Because let’s be honest—anyone can send “good morning” texts and quote Jeremiah 29:11, but not everyone is truly walking with God. I’ve learned that before I get emotionally invested, I need to see the fruit of someone’s life.

So I’m asking the real questions:

• What’s your relationship with God actually like?

• How do you handle conflict?

• What do you value in a relationship?

• Are you kind, or are you just nice when things go your way?

Look, in my past relationships, I compromised on things I shouldn’t have. Not this time. Boundaries aren’t about being difficult—they’re about protecting what matters.

If I say I want to honor God in my dating life, then that means actually honoring Him—not just when it’s convenient. So, I’m standing firm on my values:

• Emotional Boundaries: No trauma-dumping on date two, please. We’re pacing ourselves.

• Spiritual Boundaries: We can pray together, but we’re not skipping accountability.

• Physical Boundaries: Love is patient—so we’re moving accordingly.

If someone can’t respect my boundaries, then they’re not for me. And that’s okay. Because the right person won’t just tolerate them—they’ll honor them.

If I’m being real, a part of me still gets nervous about love. When you’ve been hurt before, stepping back into the dating pool can feel like volunteering as tribute. What if I get hurt again? What if I choose wrong again?

But fear is not my portion. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” That means I date with wisdom, and I also trust that God’s got me.

So here’s my approach: I’ll be open, I’ll be intentional, and I’ll be myself. No forcing connections. No rushing what’s meant to unfold naturally (and if it ends but that’s really my person, we will find a way back to each other). And definitely no lowering my standards just to avoid another wedding season as a guest.

If love is on the way, I’ll welcome it. If not, I’ll keep living, growing, and becoming the best version of myself. Either way, I win.

Lord, as I step back into dating, help me to do it with wisdom, joy, and confidence. Keep my heart guarded but not closed off, and let Your peace guide my decisions. Help me to stand firm in my boundaries and not settle for less than what aligns with Your will. And Lord, if he’s not the one, let it be obvious—like immediate “this ain’t it” obvious. In Jesus’ name, Amen.