Entry 33- Forgiving and Letting Go of What Broke Me.

So this post has been a long time coming- don't read too much into it, there's a testimony in here & I hope you find it.

Anyways......

I thought he was the one. You know—the fairytale, the answered prayer, the "choose day bae" (IYKYK lol), the “God when?” testimony in the making. But instead, he became the heartbreak I never saw coming. The kind that leaves you replaying every moment, questioning every decision, and wondering if love was even real (for over a year).

At first, I told myself I had moved on. I blocked, deleted, and even gave myself an imaginary TED Talk about “self-worth and new beginnings.” But deep down, I wasn’t free—I was just pretending to be. My heart still carried the weight of betrayal, the sting of broken promises, and the silent resentment that whispered, How could he do this to me, a whole me you know (who did I think I was please)?

Then God stepped in.

Let’s be honest—forgiveness was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted justice. I wanted an apology, a dramatic realization on his part, and maybe a billboard that said, “I messed up and she was the best thing that ever happened to me.” But instead, God gave me Ephesians 4:31-32:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

"God, like let's be so for real right now."

"Forgive him? After what he did?"

(This is part of a legit conversation I had with our Father) 

But here’s what I learned—forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you. It’s about releasing yourself from the chains of what happened so you can step into the future God has for you. I was letting my feelings dictate my healing, when God was calling me to walk by His truth.

My emotions screamed, He doesn’t deserve forgiveness! But my spirit whispered, Neither do you, yet God forgave you anyway.

Forgiveness wasn’t about making sense of the hurt—it was about trusting God with it. I had to let go of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6) and lean into the truth that God would heal what was broken, whether or not I got closure.

So I prayed (more like lamented- thank God for my support system because what they had to hear, whew). Not a cute, polished, Christian-girl prayer, but a real, raw, "God, I don’t want to forgive him, but I need You more than I need my anger" kind of prayer. And little by little, the weight lifted. The bitterness faded. And where there was once pain, there was peace.

Letting go isn’t forgetting. It’s choosing freedom over bitterness. And sometimes, the closure we need isn’t an apology—it’s trusting that God’s plan is greater than the pain we’ve endured.

If you're currently dealing with a type of hurt you don't think you can forgive, say this prayer,

Lord, I give You the hurt I’ve held onto for too long. I lay down my pain, my disappointment, and my desire for justice. Teach me to forgive as You have forgiven me. Lead me in Your truth, not my emotions. Fill my heart with peace, and help me to trust that You are writing a better story for me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.