Entry 8- Necessary Therapy 2

The year is 2019, 31st night (December into January) at church was amazing- My first ever crossover where I was present at church; mentally, spiritually and physically.

My pastor (Bra Mo) had looked me in my eyes and said "2020 is going to be your year" (He said a lot more but let's focus on this today, shall we?) - To an unbeliever, this is something he'd say to everyone right? Right! But I took it and understood it as the year I let God into my life completely. 

I was't just going to call myself a Christian, I was going to actively live a life that God wanted for me.

Then Rona hit us- The fear and anxiety that slowly over took me got me in a place I mentally wasn't prepared for- 2020 was supposed to be my year; everything about the year was/is supposed to be perfect- that's what I thought. Forgetting that a life in Christ isn't all roses and daisies. A life in Christ has trials and temptations but as a Christian we stay calm because Jesus Christ is in our boat!

I'd talk to friends about Rona, I'd appear calm and on top of things but I was scared- I was always thinking, at the slightest cough, did I have it? Was I dying already? There was so much going on in the early days of Rona. Don't get me wrong I still worry but when I do worry I pray and leave my burden on to God.

While others, I knew, thought Rona was just sitting on our happiness and on our best 2020 lives, I took advantage of what Rona came with- SOLITUDE! 

I allowed myself to look at my life, the decisions I'd made in my adult life and where I was headed as a woman, in every aspect of my life. 

I would cry as I reflected on things I'd said, how I'd acted and reacted in certain situations. How I'd let myself act without allowing the Holy Spirit to lead me- My life looked a mess based on my analysis but as the weeks went by, as I prayed more, read my bible more, met other Christians on their own journeys, I was able to forgive myself and let God in completely. 

I needed this time to realize my toxic traits and be better for not just myself but for the people around me. I needed this time to realize the type of Christian I wanted to be. I needed this time to find me and work on me. 

I doubt paid therapy would've helped much-LOL- who knows to be fair?

"You've changed Ntsifuaba!" Whenever I hear this statement now I smile like a village idiot on a warm day. Prior to this year I would've been so defensive. Like "what do you mean I have changed?"

Now I do know I have changed for the better and with each passing day I learn and change some more.

This change won't work for everybody and I've grown to accept that I will lose people on my Christian journey, I will lose opportunities on this journey- but here's one thing Rona taught me, the God I serve will restore all that I will lose in Jesus' name. Amen