“I
must have ‘mug’ written across my forehead cos wow…”
The words I tweeted, then deleted
after I finally let go of a man I thought was my one- I know what you’re
thinking. “What the hell? Not another girl with a heart broken over just a man.”
Was I right? No? Not even close? Shoot I did try… But yea, this isn’t going to
be one of those sad stories about how ‘I’ve been hurt’ & all men are trash;
this is going to be more of a ‘I’m glad it happened' type of thing.
Still don’t get it? Let me ask a
quick one (or two or three); Answer these three honestly...
- You ever look back and finally accept the way things didn’t go a certain way?
- You ever noticed the red flags… only after all the goodbyes were said and done?
- You ever asked yourself 'so what exactly did I waste a year for?'
I’ve asked myself these questions
too and here is why this is different:
In a year and some, I found God
again- AHA! You can’t say she only found God after getting her heart broken.
But all jokes aside this man
actually helped me find God again at the beginning of our friendship and I will
forever be grateful. Must have been why I thought I had to keep him around. A
part of me thinking I owed him because he reintroduced me to God.
I finally accepted that, that was
his role coming into my life; I just fell for him- maybe more than I should have.
Not saying falling for him was a
bad thing either, it really wasn’t because at the end of the day, it made me
realize my worth and why I shouldn’t settle moving forward- His part was done, so
why was I trying to force him to be my person when that wasn’t his role to
play?
Imagine if he’d finally accepted
to want me the way I wanted him to; with no blessing from God. Yea, I would’ve
been one miserable woman wouldn’t I?
Keeping up appearances just because I finally got what I
always wanted.
Yes at a point I could see us
getting married and having babies and our dogs being besties and giving birth
to more dogs and having that white picket fence around our little house out in
the country side… a girl can only dream, am I right?
But when God hasn’t ordained
something for you, it just won’t work out.
I know how I want to be loved and
no, loving me doesn’t include spending all your life savings or buying me
every expensive thing in the shop. For N, it’s the thought and the time
that goes into whatever it is that counts the most.
Seeing your face a few
times a week and hearing you whisper those sweet nothings makes her beam like a
little girl seeing her school crush on the first day of school.
So when such things went
unnoticed and I was in my head a lot, it made me question my worth- Was I not
good enough to be loved the way I thought I deserved?
I questioned God, asking
why He’d send a man who didn’t get me- forgetting that the God I serve
would never send someone to give me sadder days than happier days.
(To be continued)
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