Entry 9- WHY SO SELFISH?

"Why so selfish?" A question I often asked myself whenever I would hold back from talking to people around me about God or not wanting to share the word of the day on social media.

I remember when I gave my life to Christ (again LOL) I used to think a lot- a lot about what people would think of me?

I remember I was conflicted; was I going to be seen as the 'Overdoing Christian'? Did I want to be this Christian? I just wanted to spread Gods Love, Peace & Joy.

Was I going to become that annoying Christian, forcing my views down peoples throats?

I didn't want to be that person- Lord, I used to roll my eyes at 'those' people.

Didn't they think about how others would feel? Uncomfortable? Guilty? Afraid? Having their thoughts challenged?

But today, with consent of course, I ask people I talk to why they call themselves Christians but are so uncomfortable with us- the so called 'Loud Christians'?- Honestly with what I have seen and experienced I have a long way to go before I can be called a loud Christian- LOL.

As the days pass by I noticed I'm sharing more. As I share the word of God with whoever is open to listening, I learn from them & I'm hoping they learn a thing or two from me.

I have been able to come to terms with the fact that some people have an easier time talking about Jesus to others & others don't & honestly, that's OK.

"The Bible makes it very clear that we're all different in our skills and abilities (1 Corinthians 12:12-26). Not everyone has the same exact talents, which means not everyone is going to be equally comfortable doing the same things (Ephesians 4:11-16). Some people have a very easy time talking about Jesus to others. Some people don't. And that's OK—you don't have to share the gospel in exactly the same way as other people." (Jeff. 2017)

I got this from another Christian blog talking about being too shy to share the gospel & Jeff, the writer was right, in my opinion. In as much as we want Christians to share the word, we should allow them to do so in their own way. Just because I am comfortable with talking about God to you in person doesn't mean every other Christian should do same.

As a Christian, I have come to accept that I do not need to be so hard on myself when I see other Christians moving in a particular way- Has God directed you to move like the others? Has God asked you to talk or walk or dress in a particular fashion? So why do we want to force it? Why do we judge other Christians because they preach differently?

I pray as you are reading this, you open up more, to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, to bring you closer to Him and bless you as you get a deeper understanding of His word. I pray you find your gift that allows you to bring more people to God & not just to church. 

This prayer is for you, the one questioning his/her place in the sight of God- You are worth it & God loves you so so much! Amen.

Entry 8- Necessary Therapy 2

The year is 2019, 31st night (December into January) at church was amazing- My first ever crossover where I was present at church; mentally, spiritually and physically.

My pastor (Bra Mo) had looked me in my eyes and said "2020 is going to be your year" (He said a lot more but let's focus on this today, shall we?) - To an unbeliever, this is something he'd say to everyone right? Right! But I took it and understood it as the year I let God into my life completely. 

I was't just going to call myself a Christian, I was going to actively live a life that God wanted for me.

Then Rona hit us- The fear and anxiety that slowly over took me got me in a place I mentally wasn't prepared for- 2020 was supposed to be my year; everything about the year was/is supposed to be perfect- that's what I thought. Forgetting that a life in Christ isn't all roses and daisies. A life in Christ has trials and temptations but as a Christian we stay calm because Jesus Christ is in our boat!

I'd talk to friends about Rona, I'd appear calm and on top of things but I was scared- I was always thinking, at the slightest cough, did I have it? Was I dying already? There was so much going on in the early days of Rona. Don't get me wrong I still worry but when I do worry I pray and leave my burden on to God.

While others, I knew, thought Rona was just sitting on our happiness and on our best 2020 lives, I took advantage of what Rona came with- SOLITUDE! 

I allowed myself to look at my life, the decisions I'd made in my adult life and where I was headed as a woman, in every aspect of my life. 

I would cry as I reflected on things I'd said, how I'd acted and reacted in certain situations. How I'd let myself act without allowing the Holy Spirit to lead me- My life looked a mess based on my analysis but as the weeks went by, as I prayed more, read my bible more, met other Christians on their own journeys, I was able to forgive myself and let God in completely. 

I needed this time to realize my toxic traits and be better for not just myself but for the people around me. I needed this time to realize the type of Christian I wanted to be. I needed this time to find me and work on me. 

I doubt paid therapy would've helped much-LOL- who knows to be fair?

"You've changed Ntsifuaba!" Whenever I hear this statement now I smile like a village idiot on a warm day. Prior to this year I would've been so defensive. Like "what do you mean I have changed?"

Now I do know I have changed for the better and with each passing day I learn and change some more.

This change won't work for everybody and I've grown to accept that I will lose people on my Christian journey, I will lose opportunities on this journey- but here's one thing Rona taught me, the God I serve will restore all that I will lose in Jesus' name. Amen